Title Text:Seriously considering buying some illegal drugs to try to turn them back into cold medicine.

Title Text:Oh no, I changed the future and now I’m disappearing! Wait, never mind, it was just my hat slipping down over my eyes.

Title Text:I’m trying to be healthier, so after I eat this brick of cheese, I’ll have a spoonful of grease-soaked vegetables.

Title Text:That guy only drives an alkaline car to overcompensate for his highly acidic penis.

Title Text:[Dog returns with the end of a string in its mouth] [Voice drifts down from the sky] Kites are fun!

Title Text:The contagious period ends right around when you start to sound sick over the phone, which is probably evidence of cold viruses evolving to spread optimally in the workplace.

Title Text:Sure, it may not meet science fair standards, but I want credit for getting my baking soda and vinegar mountain added to the Decade Volcanoes list.

Title Text:Here in the entomology department, we have a simple two-step formula for answering any question: (1) ants are cool, and (2) we forgot the question because we were thinking about ants.

Title Text:If anyone tries this on you, the best reply is a deadpan “Oh yeah, that’s a common potato chip flavor in Canada.”